Honoring Family Feud-ers

"Quick, name something that can blind you."
"Umm, the sun."
"Already got that one."
"Sunscreen. Laser. Are you playing Family Feud again?"

"Name something a person may leave behind in their seat area after exiting a plane."
"A small child."
"No, hurry Dorothy."
"Read me the question again"
"Eh: Name something a person may leave behind in their seat area after exiting a plane."
"I love ponies"
"Come on! Only five secconds left."
"A small child"
"Gah! Time ran out. And I was going to say carry-on lugage"

Many of you reading this actually came upon my blog through facebook.
And in honor of you all who either play "Family Feud" or have fallen prey to the enticing chain of notifications you refresh your computer in thirty-nine seccond intervals to check, various facebook fanatic facts (using alliteration and I'm not yet even technically enrolled in AP Literature 'till the fall. Pat on the back? No? Nudge of the shoulder? No? Breathe in my direction? ... ) shall be sprinkled in the nooks and crannies of this losely written post. Well, nobody likes a tight sweater, especially when your sister's godmother thinks you still  have the seven-year-old body from last time you visited . . . nine years ago. At least she took into account I was a plump youngster. Where am I going with this? Ah yes, nowhere. Moving on to more important things before I get wrapped up in Chinese-made products (wrapped up. sweater. I made a funny). Facebook facts attack:

If Facebook were a country, it would be the fifth-largest country in the world, after China, India, the U.S., and Indonesia.
My take: If you arrange the first letter of each country's name, the only word I can come up with is Ficus. For some reason I am thinking that is a type of tree.

Syria, China, Vietnam, and Iran have banned Facebook.
My take: Then why are all four languages available in the options portion of the Account Settings? And pirate. Oh wait. This just in. The country of Pirate just banned Facebook.

Facebook’s fastest growing segment in the United States is women 55 years and older.
My take: At least facebook sends you virtual gifts ladies.

In the words spoken by a true Family Feuder: Let's be friends and end this post already (scroll up and observe the picture once more if you don't understand).
Sayonara !
Did you know Sayonara is a Japanese word?
Care to know how to say it in Pirate?
So would I.

Dieting Disaters

Dorothy: "My self control will beat you, galactic coma-inducing rich and moist triple chocolate chunk cookie."
Cookie: "Prepare to never face defeat."
Dorothy: "Aw, cookie, don't get down on yourself."
Cookie: "I feel so unloved. Please nibble my chocolately chunks."
Dorothy: "From the bottom of my heart I am sincerely sorry to make you feel worthless. Here, I shall nibble on your warm center." *Scarfs down all but three crumbs
Cookie (crumbs): "Thanks buddy"
Dorothy: "By the way cookie, what did you mean by 'prepare to never face defeat'?"
Cookie (crumbs): "You should prepare to never see your feet again. Muhuhahah. Fatty."
Dorothy: "No! I trusted you, deliciously moist friend. How could you ever betray me like this?"
Cookie (crumbs): "That's the way the cookie crumbles, sugar."

Needless to say, dieting has never been in the cards for me. Whether it be the depressed look of a lonely unloved triple chocolate chunk cookie oozing on the rack, or the sweet sorrowful scent of frosted pink cupcakes in a bake sale, their pathetic cries for love leave me helpless like a mosquito dancing in the mouth of a venus fly trap. Despite forceful reminders from the deep cavernous matter of mind that swinsuit season is rapidly approaching, one innocent nibble and I'm surely a goner.

In desperation to trim down my waist, I posed as a "surveyor" and asked around town for various methods which yield healthful results. Here is an interesting method I cataloged in the filing cabinet within my mind that I recently began implementing. And guess what? It works.

The Palm Diet
On this diet, you can eat anything you want...
... so long as it isn't bigger than the size of your palm.
Want to eat a palm full of blueberries?
Go ahead.
Feel the urge to scoop up some ice cream?
Use your hand!
Of course, results may vary (this is a cushion, if you will, just in case someone gains forty pounds through this method. I am now not liable to sue) if most of your palm servings consist of fruits and vegetables,
however, this method allows the most sweetest tooth to be hushed.