Invisble Ants

Can you spell Kansas? Backwards it spells Kans... oh wait, nevermind. I thought it was like the word "dad" or "Racecar". Moving on. This past weekend my family traveled to Orlando to visit with some friends from Kansas City (mind you, this was the day proceeding my Birthday Bash. Sweet Sixteen!).
We spent an hour driving up, with yours truly engrossed in unearthing every little facet the iPhone encompasses. However, once we arrived in the gated neighborhood my weary eyes sighed with relief, well, they sighed as much as eyes possibly can. Without mouths. So that makes no sense. But I swear they sighed.

Anywho, the traditional formalities ensued, saying "So nice to see you! It's been ages". Skip to about twenty minutes later after a complete tour of the lovely rented house, and there we see a grainy picture of a female figure about 5'9" sitting in the home theatre (yes, an eight-seater home theatre, equiped with movie attendee. just kidding about the attendee). Well, the parents of a darling young girl put in a "comedy children's movie" and left us staring at the screen. Five minutes later, after a scene which should have been described as "this is so-not a children's movie", all the fathers entered the theatre, shut it off before any more reel could be displayed, and my eyes sighed with relief. For the kids' sake. All twelve pre-mature eyes that could never un-see what was seen.

After this mishap, we decided to forget experiencing new things on their vacation (this was our friends from Kansas' spring  break), and agreed upon putting in "The Game Plan" featuring the Rock Johnson. Being the Disney nerd I am, I have thoroughly watched this exact show ten times before, so I was more intent upon memorizing the ceiling patterns than staring at the biceps of Mr. Rock. After about thirty minutes and two handfulls of popcorn, unknowingly I fell asleep. And what a much-needed sleep it was. Then I woke up, all alone. Well, not exactly alone.

Two bulging eyes were peeping at my through the doorway, bloodshot from who knows what (cough cough, alcohol). Then three more sets of eyes appeared and I decided to sit up and pretend like I so did not fall asleep (eventhough we all so know I did). When one wakes up, they are in a daze, right? Happens to everyone, right? Well, I was in the foggiest daze conceivable. Suddenly I heard my own voice singing some operatic aria in the background. Was I hallucinating? No. Mom brought my CD (by the way, would anyone like to by one? proceeds go to charity! Ok, now let's ditch this advertisement and resume with the story). All the parents were swooning over my chocolately smooth vocals while I sat there, dissociated from reality, with an blonde disheleved mess of hair, and crease lines on my face from where my head laid for the past hour.

Then I decided to be normal and walk down the two stairs the theatre was situated on and nearly fell. Not because it was dark nor slippery. No. My foot fell asleep. I am such a retard. With an afro. Who drifted to lala-land. Nearly fell down two steps. With a popcorn kernel in my bellybutton (how? I do not know the answer). True story. In order to regain some pride I sat right back down, had what looked like a lunatic battle with the invisible ants in my feet. My sister tried to wake me from my trance. Apparently I mumbled something under my breath, she asked me to repeat myself, and I nearly cried. However, somehow I magically floated to the kitchen to give the aura I am a somewhat functioning person.

I surely had a wonderful time, but man was I awkward. Trust me, it was an odd sight to see. So odd, in fact, I believe I may be listed in the dictionary for all synonyms of "weirdo". Yes, all 149 of them. Check it out for yourself, and buy a CD while you're at it! All proceeds go to charity! And yes, I do add irrelevant advertisements to go along with my life stories. Oh, and random spontaneous bursts of word bouquets! Ants, Movies, Belly Button Kernals, Toes!